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On occasion, Jay Spring is convinced he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his periods of extreme self-importance often turn “detached from reality”, he admits. You feel invincible and you’re like, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I’m better than them … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are usually coming after a “sudden low”, during which he feels deeply emotional and embarrassed about his actions, making him highly sensitive to criticism from those around him. He began to think he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after investigating his behaviors through digital sources – and was later confirmed by a specialist. However, he is skeptical he would have accepted the diagnosis without having already reached that understanding by himself. When someone suggests to somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – especially if they harbor a sense of being better. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they made for themselves. And within that framework, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining The Condition

While people have been identified with narcissism for over 100 years, the meaning can be ambiguous what the term implies the diagnosis. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” states an expert in narcissism, adding the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he notes many people keep it private, because of widespread prejudice around the illness. A narcissist will tend to have “an inflated view of oneself”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a strategy of using people to enhance their social status through things like displaying material goods,” the expert says. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

I’ve never cared about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Gender Differences in Narcissism

Though three-quarters of people found to have NPD are men, studies points out this figure does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is typically appears in the covert form, which is often overlooked. “Men’s narcissism tends to be a bit more accepted, similar to everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who posts about her co-occurring conditions on digital platforms. Frequently, the two disorders are comorbid.

Personal Struggles

It’s hard for me with handling criticism and rejection,” she shares, “because if I hear that the issue lies with me, I often enter a defensive state or I completely shut down.” Although experiencing this reaction – which is known as “ego wounding”, she has been trying to overcome it and listen to guidance from her support system, as she aims to avoid falling into the harmful behaviour of her earlier years. “I was very emotionally abusive to my partners in my youth,” she reveals. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her current boyfriend “operate with an understanding where I told him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, when I use toxic language, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mainly in the care of her father and says she lacked healthy examples in her youth. “I’ve been learning all this time which behaviors are suitable or harmful to say when arguing because I lacked that guidance growing up,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my family members were insulting me when I was growing up.”

Root Causes of NPD

These mental health issues tend to be associated with childhood challenges. “There is a genetic component,” says a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “linked to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to cope in formative years”, he adds, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting specific standards. They then “continue to use those identical strategies as adults”.

In common with many of the individuals with NPD, one individual thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The 38-year-old shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve good grades and life achievements, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t meet their standards, he wasn’t “good enough”.

In adulthood, none of his relationships ever worked out. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he admits. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of forming deep connections, until he met his current partner of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, in a comparable situation, struggles with mood stability. She is “highly empathetic of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he says – it was actually she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

After a visit to his doctor, an assessment was arranged to a clinical psychologist for an assessment and was told his diagnosis. He has been referred for psychological counseling via government-funded care (extended treatment is the main intervention that has been proven effective NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the waiting list for an extended period: “They said it is probably going to be maybe February or March next year.”

He has shared with a handful of people about his NPD diagnosis, because “there’s a big stigma that every person with NPD is harmful”, but, personally, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to understand myself better, which is beneficial,” he says. Each individual have accepted their narcissism and are seeking help for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the disorder. But the presence of NPD content creators and the development of online support communities point to {more narcissists|a growing number